Mallard Counter Agreement

MALLARD COUNTER TERMS & CONDITIONS

ARTICLE I: DEFINITIONS

1.1 "Mallard" shall mean any waterfowl of the species Anas platyrhynchos, living or deceased, but explicitly EXCLUDING any and all non-mallard waterfowl including but not limited to: ducks, geese, swans, coots, grebes, and any avian species that may resemble a mallard to the untrained eye.

1.2 "Count" shall mean the act of numerical enumeration performed by the User with full cognitive awareness and intent, excluding accidental clicks, pocket dials, or counts performed under duress, intoxication, or while operating heavy machinery.

1.3 "Delinquent Count" shall mean any count performed in violation of Section 2.3 or any count deemed by Kyle or Tyler, in their sole and absolute discretion, to be fraudulent, frivolous, or otherwise not in keeping with the spirit of mallard enumeration.

ARTICLE II: USER OBLIGATIONS

2.1 User hereby agrees to count only genuine mallards and to exercise reasonable care and diligence in mallard identification.

2.2 User acknowledges that Kyle and Tyler are the supreme arbiters of all mallard-related disputes and their decisions are final, binding, and not subject to appeal in any court of law, court of equity, or kangaroo court.

2.3 User agrees not to count the same mallard more than once within a 24-hour period, unless said mallard has undergone significant transformation (molting, migration, or existential crisis).

ARTICLE III: LIABILITIES & INDEMNIFICATION

3.1 In the event of a Delinquent Count, User shall be obligated to provide Kyle and Tyler with one (1) live mallard of reasonable health and temperament, delivered within thirty (30) days of notification.

3.2 User hereby releases, waives, discharges and covenants not to sue Kyle, Tyler, their heirs, assigns, and any associated waterfowl, from any and all liability for injury, death, property damage, or emotional distress arising from the use of the Mallard Counter.

3.3 User agrees to indemnify and hold harmless Kyle and Tyler from any claims brought by: (a) non-mallard waterfowl mistakenly counted; (b) ornithological societies; or (c) the ghost of John James Audubon.

ARTICLE IV: INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

4.1 User acknowledges that all mallard count data becomes the exclusive property of Kyle and Tyler upon submission, including but not limited to: count totals, timestamps, GPS coordinates, heartbeat data, 3D body scans, fecal & urine samples, and any associated mallard biometric data.

4.2 Kyle and Tyler reserve the right to publish, broadcast, or otherwise disseminate User's mallard count data for purposes of scientific research, entertainment, or otherwise.

           
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ARTICLE V: FORCE MAJEURE

5.1 Neither party shall be liable for failure to perform due to Acts of God, acts of waterfowl, duck migrations, avian flu outbreaks, or the sudden and inexplicable disappearance of all mallards from the face of the Earth.

ARTICLE VI: AMENDMENTS

6.1 Kyle and Tyler reserve the right to modify these terms at any time, for any reason, or without reason. User's continued use of the Mallard Counter constitutes acceptance of any and all modifications, past, present, and future.

ARTICLE VII: GOVERNING LAW

7.1 This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of Duckberg and any disputes shall be resolved by trial by combat with rubber ducks at dawn.

BY CHECKING THE BOX BELOW, YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE READ, UNDERSTOOD, AND AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THESE TERMS, AND THAT YOU ARE OF SOUND MIND AND LEGAL AGE TO COUNT MALLARDS IN YOUR JURISDICTION.